(Salvador Dali painting, Photoshopped of course)
Earn Eco-Salvation the Quick and Easy Iowahawk Way
Are you concerned that your profligate personal lifestyle is harming the environment? Losing sleep over the long-term ecological damage resulting from those greenhouse gases constantly emitted by your family, your cars, your pets, and your shrubbery? Do you want to become carbon-neutral, but just don’t know how?
Well rejoice, sinner! Carbon atonement is no longer the exclusive preserve of the Malibu set — with the Iowahawk EcoPals Network! This unique new system lets you, the average Joe planet rapist, cleanse your tortured psyche of the stain of enviro-guilt for as little as $9.95 per year! If enough of you follow this simple three step program, we can save the world for our children — who will soon be frolicking with healthy polar bears atop Earth’s reforested glaciers. Act now before it’s too late!