Winston Smith, spokesperson for the Office Of The President-Elected and Ministry of Truth, today released raw numbers on the latest Presidential Approval poll, and declared that, “while they still need to be tweaked a bit, they will be higher than 100%. My job depends on it,” he declared.
When reminded that a number higher than 100% is statistically impossible, Mr. Smith informed the assembled press that the Guantanamo “detainees,” as future law-abiding American citizens, had not been able to be included in the polls and, in a curious aside, mumbled, “Sanity is not statistical.”
“Once we are able to assimilate these individuals into American society, we are certain they will set aside their demand for Islamic dominance across the planet and become card-carrying Democrats and peaceful American citizens,” he insisted. When informed that most former “detainees” had, upon release, resumed global jihad, Mr. Smith stated that that information on such “unpersons” was “ungood” and in the process of “going down the memory hole” and would shortly be no longer factual.
“The purpose of this administration is to control the present. The past is in the process of revision. When that is complete, we can control the future,” Mr. Smith lectured. His remarks were met with a standing ovation from the assembled throng of reporters.